Firstly, this may be something you can discuss with clients prior to a process like mediation. It’s helpful to normalise crying during conflict resolution processes, and to give your client confidence that you will not be surprised and that you will respond in a way that best supports them in the moment. You could explain to your client some of the options they have if they cry (or the other person cries) during the process, and ask them to think about what they would prefer to do in advance.
In the moment, it depends whether the tears are interfering with the person’s participation in the process, or whether the person is comfortable to keep engaging despite their tears. If someone is crying so hard that they are no longer able to communicate effectively, they may need time to regulate so that they can continue. They may prefer to do this in private or with a support person. However, they may simply need a few moments to compose themselves. It is helpful to ask what the person needs rather than making assumptions. A short break is often a useful circuit breaker, after which the practitioner can have a conversation with the person to see what they would like to do next. Perhaps check in whether they’d prefer to be alone, or have someone with them. It can also be really useful to help the person reflect on what has triggered the crying, because this can also help them make choices about what they might want to do next (e.g. moving on, or explaining to the other person what they were thinking or feeling).
Keep in mind that the practitioner’s response to the person crying may send unintended messages to that person, including:
- By offering them tissues, you may indicate that you would like the crying to stop.
- By ushering them away into a private room, you might be indicating that crying is not a good thing to be doing in front of others.
TIP: While you probably want to have tissues close at hand and visible to your clients, you don’t want to make them the centrepiece of the mediation table. I once had a woman walk into my mediation room, look at the tissues in the middle of the table and say “Oh no, you’re not going to make us cry, are you?”
It’s also important to consider the person or people who are NOT crying, and how they are responding to the person crying. You may need to support them to manage their reaction to the other’s tears.
What kinds of things do you normally do when someone is crying? What helps and what doesn’t?